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TP 1138

ZOMBIESALIVE

10 ZOMBIE FACTS ...

 

1.  ZOMBIES ARE STILL MOBILE WITH  75% OF THE BODY DESTROYED

 

2. ZOMBIES DO NOT EAT ANYTHING OTHER THAN HUMAN  FLESH OR BLOOD AND CAN SMELL BLOOD UP TO A MILE AWAY. KEEP YOUR WOUNDS DRESSED AND BOUND.

 

3. IT IS ESTIMATED THAT LESS THAN 15% OF THE HUMAN POPULATION REMAINS TRUELY ALIVE.

 

4. ZOMBIES COMMUNICATE WITH SHRILL SHRIEKS AND SCREAMS TO ATTRACT FURTHER HOARDS. KILL THEM QUIETLY.

 

5. ZOMBIES CAN SPRINT AS FAST AS HUMANS.

 

6. ZOMBIES CONTINUE TO ROT CAUSING A NAUSETING ODOUR.

 

7. ZOMBIES CAN SURVIVE AT THE BOTTOM OF OCEANS, RIVERS AND SWIMMING POOLS. THEY DO NOT DROWN.

 

8. ONCE BITTEN FULL ZOMBIFICATION WILL TAKE NO LONGER THAN 3 DAYS. SUICIDE WILL RESULT IN ZOMBIFICATION UNLESS YOU SHOOT YOURSELF IN THE BRAIN.

 

9. A ZOMBIE CAN DIG THROUGH SIX FEET OF EARTH IN APPROXIMTELY 10 MINUTES. ENCASE THEM IN CONCRETE.

 

10.  ZOMBIES DO NOT LIKE BEING TICKLED. WE DO NOT ADVISE YOU USE THIS AS A DEFENCE.

There are many ways to kill a zombie, but in these apocolyptic circumstances we have found that firearms are in extremely short supply, especially in the United Kingdom. Therefore we recommend :-

 

1. Always carry a heavy blunt instrument. Once the heavy blunt instrument has been selected it should be applied with great malice and force to the cranium of the zombie you wish to dispatch. Do not hesitate to strike the zombie with as much force as possible. Be liberal  with the beating using multiple strikes.

 

2. Remember, a beating costs you nothing, so continue to beat the undead creature even though it appears to have stopped moving.

 

3. Ensure, if you have the time and you are not surrounded by multiple living dead, that the skull is thoroughy pulped beyond recognition.

 

4. If you are fortunate enough to have a firearm, make sure you use it sparingly as zombies are attracted to noise and more will follow the source of loud noises, such as gunfire. It is also very hard to come by more ammunition, so only use the firearm in an emergency.

 

Below is a video demonstrating the blunt instrument method of killng a zombie. The weapon of choice in this case, and highly recommended by us for its strength and portability, is a baseball bat.

 

Watch and learn...

REWARD

WANTED DEAD OR DEAD...

Hooded Zombie n hand

HOODED BLEEDER

Zombie vomits

VOMITING BLEEDER

tim

JEFFREY CAKE

...FOR mass consumption OF HUMANS

 

CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS

 

REWARD - 14 DAYS FOOD AND WATER

how to kill a zombie...